Sunday, March 13, 2011

Back to Where I Started But in a Different Place

When I arrived in Buenos Aires I told you that I wished the taxi ride would take forever because as long as I was in the taxi, I didn't have to face the unknown ahead of me. I imagine when I take the taxi to the airport today I will also be wishing that the taxi ride will take forever because when it arrives at the airport, it means my time in South America is over. I'm so ready to come home and at the same time I'm not ready at all. Sometimes I feel like I need more time.

I can't explain to you how I feel right now. It's not a good feeling. One theme for me here has been the idea of temporary relationships. I already knew this but it has been confirmed that I crave long term, deep relationships. It has been so fun meeting new people. I haven't held anything back with them. I have given myself (and in so doing I have learned more how to be myself). The drawback is that usually the outcome is having to let them go eventually. Sometimes after a day, sometimes after a week and sometimes after 5 weeks. There have been a few people that it really hurts to let go. I wouldn't trade it, but....

Another theme was language. I am proud to say that I spent my last night in Chile with a Chilean family with whom I spoke Spanish for over 5 hours. One more way my world has opened. I feel so thankful to speak this language, even at the broken level that I am still speaking it. Its such an amazing feeling. Mis amigos (gringos o latinos) que hablan español, espero que vayan a hablar conmigo en español!!

Living in a different country always changes you. I experienced it in the Czech Republic and I have definitely experienced it here. It isn´t always mind blowing or instantaneous. The changes may be visible to others or not, but they are there. I thank all the people who bought me journals and encouraged me to blog. Both outlets have helped me to process what I have experienced here. As I sat on the beach yesterday contemplating, my mind whirled with all the experiences and all the thoughts and feelings and desires for the future and all the realizations I have made. Even though Im going back to my same physical location, I really hope I don't go back to same place I was before. There is a better place waiting for me when I get back.

On my way now to have one last lunch with friends that I met in Buenos Aires. Lots of lasts in the last few days. I'm thankful for the lasts because it means there were firsts!

Besos and abrazos to all those I met along the way and have to leave behind. I really do hope to see some of you again! And to my long termers, see you stateside!! (I will be expecting kisses from you all. Thats the South American way!! One good thing we could learn from them.)

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